LIFESTYLE

THINGS I’VE LEARNED FROM ONLINE DATING

Photo by yours truly.

Establishing an online presence has opened a lot of new things for me. Aside from the opportunity in creative writing and photography, it has allowed me to expand my network and meet the influential people that I truly admire. Being single and loveless made me decided to also try finding true love in cyberspace.

I was one of those who installed those dating apps; spending most of my free time browsing the potential lovers, and diligently responding to the messages of those interested ones. It was really overwhelming to know that someone is really interested to view your profile and send you a message. Hopes were up since some of my friends were able to kiss the right frogs through dating apps/ sites and found their destiny.

To cut the story short, I was able to score couple of dates with some “interesting users”. Later on, I realized that the fun part is only in the beginning. Let’s just say, every date became a “charge it to experience” moment.

SHOWING YOUR TRUE COLORS

If he loves you, he will accept you as a whole and help you become the best version of yourself. However, if he will change you with his superficial standards as his main focus, then better ask yourself if you really want to be with someone like him.

EXPECTATION VS. REALITY

Hopeless romantics (including me) immediately draw stories and fall in love with that perfect imagination. After which, we heavily expect that this day dream would soon be a reality with this potential partner, whom we’ve only gone through a single date. If this doesn’t materialize, we end up heart broken in the midst of singlehood. So fellas, its better to set our eyes to the real world and manage expectations.

Vector and images are copyright to their respective owners. Digital art by yours truly.

READ BETWEEN THE LINES

The greatest sign that a guy doesn’t want to continue on the getting-to-know game is a sudden and unpredictable change. This is when his messaging habits gets limited until he stops and forget about you. In a blink of an eye, he became “busy” from unexplained stuff that extends beyond 24/7. It goes back to the old-age scenario of being awkward in bringing the bad news. Even if it is online, the jittery feeling of telling NO to someone interested in you is hard AF.

Remember, don’t ever waste your time chasing  them. Don’t boost their ego by begging for time, and making them feel that they are worth chasing. We are all grown ups and we don’t want to play childish guessing games. If someone wants you, he will ensure that you will be remember not just when he needs someone to talk to.

YOUR INSTINCT IS YOUR BFF

That whispers in the back of your ear are there for a reason. It’s not overthinking, its your common sense telling you that there is something wrong.

In relation to the previous item, your gut feel on his actions can sometimes tell you if he still wants to pursue you. Just be observant with actions or frequency on messages. He won’t tell it straight to your face (or app in our case), but his actions plus your gut feel will slap you for a wake up call. If that’s the case, then its time to pull the plug.

“LOVE YOURSELF” EXCUSE

One of the overly used term in the millennial world is now being used in the so-called blame game in dating someone you met online (or in real life). To cover up their indecisiveness and for them to dump you, they would usually reason out that “you have to love yourself first”. This is a nice way of saying that “you can have all your love back for yourself”. Most of the time, we tend to stop and ponder deeply if there is still lacking from within. This toxic people make you look like its your fault, when its their unsure nature is the real problem.

Let me tell you this, loving yourself does not necessarily mean that you have mastered loving others. If you can heal yourself alone, then consider yourself lucky. However, there are just situations that you need a loving partner to remind you that you are worth loving despite you being broken. From this, you can slowly eject the loneliness and make room for love. Little than you know, you have grown how to appreciate and love yourself from the support given.

Photo by yours truly.

LOVE IS BEYOND FILTERS

Online dating is synonymous to marketing yourself. As part of this strategy, we tend to post our best-angled shots, and sometimes rely on filters for a little tweaking. But its a different case when the person you are dating has only fell in-love with your images, not the real you.

To share my experience, I’ve gone through a date with douche bags values appearance more than anything. There were days that I was told that either I gained weight (with a brow raised) or  I looked skinnier. This usually became the topic of our convo, and it made me think twice if I still have to finish my food. After which, my stress-related breakouts would become the main topic. I mean dude who wakes up in the morning and walks around with a ring light in his face?  Dating them made me more self-conscious and down, knowing that my value is based on images. Later on, I realized that if that is their perspective, then they are free to print my photos and take those out for a coffee.

USER-FRIENDLY EXPERIENCE

We are not talking about the apps and sites here. The people itself ready to tap your photo are the issue. It may take someone to kiss a lot of frogs to find the right one, or others may find luck in the first tap. Online dating may open possibilities, but its does not guarantee that it will spare you from troubles and depression from dickheads. Just remember to be cautious and be aware of what you’ve signed up for.

 

Ben
GeekyBF.com

 

LIFESTYLE, TRAVEL

THE SINGLE STRUGGLE

Waking up alone – This is not new for those who have been single since birth, and to those who have been for so long. You always wonder if someone will also reciprocate or even surpass that feeling that you’ve shown for others. For most of your “all by yourself” moments, you’ll eventually get used to being alone and dating yourself all the time. Yes we have friends who tirelessly paint smiles to our faces and keep things in good vibes. Once the euphoria starts fading, you still look for that special person who will touch you from the inside. Someone who will make you realize that you are also special in his/her eyes no matter what happened.

Reality is, the sad part does not necessarily come from those silent realizations, but to those people around you. It’s hard when they label you as an overreacting person when you only hope for the best for your love life. You only operate the way you wanted to be treated by your would be partner. In their eyes, you are just a lost individual who is wasting his time being the right person. As I try to open myself to others, they told me that they’ve been there. With the hurt that they’ve experienced, they tried to take me on-board to the “misery loves company” bandwagon. For them, attention and love from others is to be purchased – literally. They tend to call themselves mature for outgrowing any of the real emotions associated in truly loving someone, and accepting that all of us are meant to be treated like crap. In short, having someone love you for who you are is a hoax for them.

I honestly felt sorry for how they feel. When you are just crossing your fingers to find the right one, it is inevitable to stumble upon them who aim to bring people to a state of melancholy. As they tried to educate me for their so-called “standard of living”, it slowly made me question my significance as a human being. Should I just be like them? Enjoy sleeping around and define love as collective one-night stand experiences from strangers? Am I really made to be taken for granted?

With all these negative feedback, I decided to finally shut my ears to them and start to surround myself with positive people who can lift my spirits. Their toxic advices are just too much for me to handle. While drafting this post, I wrote down my thoughts to their words, and to help others who have encountered this type of people.

 

“Maturity is not about tolerating the wrong things that others are doing to you. It’s about knowing how you should be treated and forgiving yourself for allowing  someone to take advantage of you.”

“We all deserve all the respect and love in the world. We are all worth it.”

“Learn whom you should lend your ears. Always stick to people who know how to empathize and can give you a nice tap on your shoulder.” 

The right person will freely and willingly reciprocate the love that you are ready to give.”

They have their life experiences. We draw our own path and our lives should not depend on what they have encountered.”

“Single” can indeed be a powerful word. Its definition can expand from the pain to something that is full of promise. Surviving the single life might be tough. Remember, behind all the bitterness is an independent you whose shine should never be dulled. You don’t need to prove them anything. Just continue being you who has a positive outlook in your single status. When we find true love someday, it will definitely create and counteract echoes to what they have expected us to be.

Photos taken in Somerset, Alabang.

Ben
GeekyBF.com